The other day as I skimmed through my dream journal, I found an entry from sometime last year, written vaguely and as if I was half-asleep, in which I described being told by a voice to write down and clearly define my ideal life situation. I never followed up on that. I see that it is now due time to have an honest look at how my relationships, housing, career and health, among other things, would appear in the purest expression of my life. This is of course from the limited perspective of where I am at right now, and so it will be incomplete, but everyone knows that’s all we ever have anyway. Terence Mckenna preaches the acceptance of “unclosure,” or being okay with things never really finishing the way we’d like them to. So I’ll do my best.
While what follows is likely to come off as, and very will could be, childhood fantasy, we probably don’t get enough of that nowadays. So here goes, a bonafide orgasm of imagination.
I would like to remain vegan for the rest of my life. I visualize myself “getting better” at it, broadening my culinary horizons and skill, thus eating as healthily as possible. I need to be active in some way every day, wherever possible. I have decided that this need is administered by the fact I am a Sagittarius. I come with a certain expendable reserve of energy each day and a large portion of it must be used in a physical way or else I begin to feel pent up and cornered. Running, kayaking, biking, climbing, swimming, hiking, skiing, these are all activities I see myself actively using in my ideal vision.
I imagine myself with a woman who is grounded and independent. I believe my ideal relationship is one that is okay with alternating times of great space and great intimacy. Room to breathe is very important to me, but so is the ability to return to union, with the understanding that this cycle of movement is natural and honest. The most attractive partner to me is one who is extremely interested in her own calling and pursuits, someone who is full of zest for experience. I am unsure at this moment whether I would like children. I have recently not felt very interested in the idea, but like everything this could easily change. In either case, a relationship that values communication, adventure and grounded spontaneity is part of my highest vision.
I have been recently visualizing myself owning at least two properties, one in a city and one in the relative wilderness. Both of these are situated on larger lots, with lots of trees, open space, water, simple and wild landscaping. The idea behind two properties is to balance my shifting inner longing for stillness and stimulation. Both houses are very petite, using only space required, and one may be styled in geometric domes. Extravagance is decidedly absent, especially in the wilderness house, which in my mind is a unity of Japanese, Northern European and Northwest Coast Native design ideals. I have thought more of this house, mainly because the idea of a retreat in the forest, relatively near the ocean, is very appealing to me right now. Both properties would have self-reliance in common, with solar panels, composting, septic fields, windmills, and other energy producing/saving measures, even more so in the country, with the use of small hydro-electric mills in nearby streams, providing the ecology was secure. The idea would be to remain off-the-grid and perhaps to contribute surplus to neighboring dwellings. In both houses, all efforts are made to conserve simplicity. An aura of energetically clean, authentic humility permeates the spaces, which are decidedly cozy and welcoming. The scent of sustainably harvested cedar beams is notable. Hardwood floors, recycled and restored antique furniture, west coast art, a sleeping loft and a small fireplace are highlights, and spaces dedicated to writing, playing, meditation and yoga practice are taken into account. The key to my highest ideal of housing is simplistic living within the earth’s means, peaceful, yet vibrant.
Obviously there must be a means to achieve these dreams of housing. While the dwellings may be simple and petite, high quality and good land comes with a price. This means, in my highest vision, is by becoming a professional musician.
I envision myself creating lush, emotive and melodic records that inspire feelings of warmth, contemplation and positivity. I imagine a refined poetry in my lyrics, a further development of the spontaneous writings that I have previously experienced. Each word is chosen specifically and each work is intuitively reviewed and approved, with attention to heart feeling, and not outer expectation. I imagine both solo performances and involvement with others, in duos or bands, playing multiple instruments. The focus of the music I create is on the general sound, which is very specific in my mind, but difficult to translate into words. It is a full thing, full of luscious chords, balancing basslines, one-off organ quirks, tasteful percussion, melodic fingerpicking, etc. Other projects may ensue that are more direct, more “rock,” but my initial vision is an acoustic one. Live shows are quiet at times, and at times bursting with emotion. An emphasis on polish is high; polished vocals, instrumentation, venue choice and set up, etc. All conscious and consistently intending to learn and teach and learn. While fame is secondary to creative freedom, with my current perspective, I see it as the means to this end. The quietest fame possible would be desirable; a status that allows for the touching of lives but does not remove me from human-being-hood. The ability to interact with people as people, naturally is of paramount importance. No contentious attitude.
I imagine fewer, high quality records. Each song must clearly burn the pages they are written on to be included on the tracklist. They must ring like ancient cedars. I collaborate with other artists frequently, both newer and those who I look up to. I play the summer festival circuits. I include remote locations on my tours. My approach is always fresh. If I become stagnant in any way, everything must be thrown out the window and begun again.My highest vision of my music is like that of my dwelling; clean, simple, yet rich and warm, intensely fulfilling.
Excess profits from my musicianhood must obviously go somewhere after establishing a clean, simple life. I imagine my efforts benefiting organizations that work directly for the preservation of the earth and the spiritual sanity of its people. Giving back to the places that taught me what I know today, like the YMCA and community associations of my hometown, would be primary. Then a long-term donor relationship with environmental projects and cultural initiatives would be set up. The emphasis would take on preservation and nurturing of the land, wholesome, sustainable K-12 alternative schooling, organic and local foodsharing, native language revitalization, SPIN-farming, support of local art communities, alternative energy systems, rehabilitation programs, etc.
There are a number of ways to serve the community of the earth. Whether through medicine, sciences, the arts, trades, working the land and many more valuable occupations, I believe that we are all here with a unique purpose that is ingeniously designed to both fulfill our hearts and to support the planet. It is simply a case of accepting one’s deepest inner calling and then accepting the path and whatever lies upon it. I see a future where the people of the earth will choose their actions based on their intuited purpose. I cannot see how if people followed their hearts, the planet would not benefit greatly.
Take some time to ablute yourself of the traditional, society directed thinking. Feel where you are pulled the most and investigate that direction. If there is a place, an occupation, a certain anything, that continues to return to your feeling, to your longing, then you must investigate it. I posit that this calling is your personal key to the grand enigma. Allow it some breathing room, sit with it in a quiet corner of your house, speak with it in the rain, stir it into your tea and sip it, listen to it tap on your windowpane in the middle of the night. It is there. All you must do is allow it to take the reins and to hold on.
These grand visions are certainly a long way off from dishwashing in a café three times a week and a pocketful of songs. But the cliché is steadfast: you must start somewhere. My vision is to serve the earth through music.
“Those who do not gain treasure in their youth perish like old herons in a lake with no fish.”
Buddha, Dhammapada
